Doctor Love revisited

Way back in the shadowy mists of my college years, there was a band that rose up to to stride as giants over the College Station music scene for one brief, shining moment: Dr. Love and the Erogenous Zones. Comprised of Kerry and Kelly Shatzer (who I knew pre-band days) and several other members I recall only via their stage names, they were a hell of a lot of fun to see, heckle, listen to and drink beer with. The stage personas were Dr. Love, Vinnie Vomit, Guido, Nurse Chastity and Hans Amadeus Wolfgang von Ax of Ulm. In their latter days, Hans (the base player) graduated and left the band, to be replaced briefly by a girl named Annie before they broke up for good.

They couldn't sing. Could barely play. But that didn't diminish the fun factor on iota. They became a huge draw around A&M, and eventually played gigs in Dallas and Houston. Austin remained elusive, however. I talked them into holding a concert for Aggiecon 22 at the Grove outdoor theatre prior to that night's showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, where they were joined by local legend "Sneaky Pete" Rizzo. They had songs played on the Dr. Demento show. They created such musical gems as "Love Sneeze," "Inflatable Woman," "Sexist Pig" and "Hefty Hefty Hefty." They covered Billy and the Boingers as well as Plan 9. And they had some really wicked, perverted parody songs that would make Weird Al turn very, very red.

Driving to work this morning, Robert Palmer's "Doctor Doctor" started playing on the radio, and it took me a moment to realize I was singing right along with it--only I was singing the Dr. Love lyrics from 15 years ago. Bizarre how I can remember that, but not my phone number:

Hot summer nights and a one-night stand
who I was seeing more than I planned
then one night while we were in bed
my face turned blue when she said--

(chorus)
Doctor! Doctor! I've got bad news
I'm gonna have a baby because of you
Oooh I forgot to take my pill
I'm gonna have a baby because of you

Just one mistake can change your life
that one-night stand became my wife
burping babies and diaper rash
I'm now a dad because I was outta cash

(chorus)

Don't you know that you'll pay for your sins
I feel so old now 'cause she had twins

(chorus)

I've still got my official Dr. Love concert shirt tucked in a drawer at home, although it's not in the best of condition these days. I used to have a bootleg tape of their best parodies, but that one vanished somewhere along the way. Every so often, I run into an old college pal who claims to have both bootleg and their lone commercial release, but he never quite comes through with the copy. Ah well. At least the glory of Dr. Love lives on in my memory.

Aaaaay batterbatterbatter SA-wing batter!

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