I watched all of Clone Wars so you don't have to (but maybe you should)

So I watched the entirety of the Clone Wars animated series. I know there are many who are passionately devoted to this show and Dave Filoni is drawing on significant elements of continuity established therein for the live-action Disney+ shows, so I wanted to grok all the interconnected threads.

Being the obsessive that I am, I started with the Genndy Tartakovsky Clone Wars shorts. I didn't get Cartoon Network when they first aired so had never seen them. I'm glad I made the effort. Highly stylized and action-oriented, these shorts introduce character who play significant roles in Filoni's Clone Wars series, even if Tartakovsky's version is no longer canon.

The animated Clone Wars movie that launches the series introduces Padawan Ahsoka Tano and pairs her with Jedi Anakin Skywalker. This movie was met with much criticism upon release. It's not great. It tries very hard to be hip and edgy for pre-teens but only manages to come off as annoying. Quality wise, it's about on par with the direct-to-video animated sequels Disney used to pump out for their classic films. It is understandable why this one is not held in high regard. It almost put me off watching the series, but I soldiered on.

Seasons 1-4 of Clone Wars is much better, relatively speaking. I didn't feel it great, mind you. Compared to the animated shows aimed at kids from the 80s and 90s, yes, these episodes are more sophisticated and polished. There's still an echo of shoehorned "life lessons" apparent throughout, though. It's still a kid's show, albeit one parents can watch with their kids and not get too restless. The mid-Atlantic newsreel voiceover to start the episodes was certainly a choice, but I don't think every Star Wars project needs to replicate the opening crawl from the original films. The stylized animation took some getting used to but I came to accept it. So yeah, light years ahead of Ewok Adventures and Star Wars Droids.

Season 5 sees an interesting shift. Stand-alone and two-part episodes are abandoned in favor of five story arcs. Some are juvenile with those pesky life lessons, but others... Darth Maul returns. There is intrigue on Mandalore. Ahsoka is framed for murder and expelled from the Jedi Council. The series takes a serious turn and stops being a kiddie show. I take exception to George Lucas' revisionist history that Star Wars was "always a kids show." No, the original Star Wars was an "all ages" show. There's a big difference. In season 5 Filoni took Clone Wars from being a kids show to being an all ages show. It started feeling more like Star Wars and less like a Star Wars spinoff.

Season 6 and 7 came about after Clone Wars had been cancelled by Cartoon Network. At the time, they had 65 unfinished episodes in various stage of production for (presumably) three more full seasons. 25 of these unfinished episodes were ultimately completed (heavily referencing some of those other unfinished episodes that weren't so fortunate) to comprise two final seasons of 13 and 12 episodes. Again, these seasons lean heavily on multi-episode story arcs. What's more, they directly reference events from the prequels and build on the personalities of various clone troopers established earlier in the series. There are stakes here. Even a casual fan of Star Wars knows the ultimate outcome of many of these plotlines, but it's engrossing because we don't know how it will play out, who will live or who will die or who will fall somewhere in between. The final four episodes take place concurrently with events from Revenge of the Sith and presented as a story distinct from the rest of the Clone Wars series. And it works so well. The final two seasons of Clone Wars elevate all three of Lucas' Star Wars prequels, flawed though they may be. This isn't some backhanded compliment like saying JJ Abrams' sequel trilogy making the prequels look better in comparison. No, these final 25 episodes genuinely make the prequels better, filling in certain plot holes and adding context and character and a great deal of "what if?" for roads not taken.

It's doubtful seasons 1-4 could ever had achieved that level of sophistication and depth given the corporate and studio mandates Filoni was operating under, but the early cancellation likely gave him the freedom to go for broke and tell the stories he truly wanted to tell, corporate pushback be damned. If that's the case, then bravo, sir. Success on all counts.

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The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance episode 10

Episode 10: A Single Piece Was Lost

Obligatory Plot Summary: An explosion shakes Stone-in-the-Wood, startling Rian. Deet, it turns out, is making smoke bombs that are mostly harmless but she hopes they'll confuse and distract the Skeksis. There's another almost-romantic moment between Deet and Rian, but Deet's eyes glow, reminding the viewer that's she's got the corrupting Darkening inside of her. Various Gelfling groups begin arriving at Stone-in-the-Wood to face off against the coming Skeksis attack. Back at the Castle of the Crystal, the Chamberlain reneges on his promise to free the Gruenacks. The Gruenacks, realizing they'll never be freed, find and pocket an Arathim stinger (at least, that's what I think it is) from the Scientist's lab. The Emperor goes to the pit where the Darkening is, and draws is into his staff to use as a weapon. As the Skeksis march off to war, the Scientist is left behind. Angry at not getting a chance to win glory, the Scientist plays a game of make-believe, pretending he's the Emperor and terrorizing the Podling slaves. About this time Hunter wakes up from being mostly dead. After the Podlings flee in terror, Hunter derides the Scientist as a coward and races off to join the battle. The Gruenacks cut their bindings and rebel against the Scientist. The fight is jarringly brutal, with the Scientist throwing one into the Crystal pit and bludgeoning the other to death. At Stone-in-the-Wood, Rian challenges the Emperor to single combat. The General fights in the Emperor's place, and after briefly overwheming Rian with his superior size and strength, the General finds himself on the receiving end with nimble Rian manages to stab him with the Dual Glaive. The General's life force flows into the Glaive. The General's about to die, when Rian declares out of the blue, "I am no killer" and spared the General. War then breaks out. The female Gelflings fly in, dropping smoke bombs (which don't smoke all that much but make big explosions). The Skeksis' battle armor, however, has knife and axe catapults built into it, and Maudra Fara takes a fatal wound after pushing Seladon out of the way. Fara's fizgig wails in despair. Away from the battle, the Chamberlain finds the wounded General hiding. The General asks his friend for help, but the Chamberlain kills him instead, saying "You took my seat on the council." About this time, Hunter shows up, grabs Rian and destroys the Dual Glaive with his bare hands. About this time, on the other side of Thra at the Circle of the Suns, Archer revives, says "The hunt must end" and throws himself off the cliff to his death below, simultaneously ending Hunter's life as well. As Hunter dies, Aughra is reborn from his ashes. All the other Gelfling clans arrive then, and the Skeksis, as powerful as they are, have already lost their two strongest warriors and are doomed. The Emperor, however, unleashes the Darkening from his staff like he's impersonating the Emperor from Star Wars. He attacks the Gelflings with the nasty purple stuff, but Deet steps up and says, "I've seen that movie, too. Here's my Yoda impression!" She catches the Darkening Lightning, takes it into herself then throws it back at the Skeksis. The Collector's head explodes in a gooey, gross mess. The Skeksis flee. Gelflings celebrate. They find a single crystal shard in the pommel of the ruined Dual Glaive and realize it's from the cracked Crystal of Truth, and the shard is actually their hope against the Skeksis, not the Glaive. Deet flees Rian and the other Gleflings, the corruption of the Darkening radiating out from her as she runs. Back at the Circle of the Suns, Hup mourns the loss of Archer, but--with neither the Heretic nor the Wanderer to be seen--finds the amulet that controls the stone golem Lore. And at the Castle of the Crystal, the defeated Skeksis arrive in a state of near panic until the Scientist reveals his latest creation--the giant, insectoid Garthin, and undead construct stitched together from Arathim and Gruenack parts. The end.

Musings: Holy hell, this episode pissed me off so much. Not because it's terrible. No, there were parts that were great. But the parts that sucked, ye gods, they sucked so badly they undermined everything that was good. The core problem is that the show lost its nerve. I don't know if it was producer Lisa Henson or director Louis Leterrier or screenwriters Jeffrey Addiss & Will Matthews, but the worst moments came when the show jarringly pulled back from being a serious show about a people facing genocide to being a safe, kid-friendly puppet show. When Rian, abruptly announces his refusal to kill the General, it defied all logic. The Skeksis had slaughtered hundreds of Gelflings, and had boldly announced they would continue to do so. They'd lied. They'd corrupted Gelfling society. They'd betrayed everyone and everything who'd ever trusted them. They killed his father, Ordon, and his lover, Mira. They freaking drained Aughra, essentially the avatar of Thra itself. Rian had challenged the Skeksis to war, then the Emperor to single combat. For him to suddenly decide killing is beneath him is a weird morality lesson that may be okay for comic book super-heroes but not Gelfling when the alternative is genocide and extinction. It. Makes. Zero. Sense. What does he think will happen next? The Skeksis say "My bad" and play nice from here on out? Another example of the Gelflings playing at war but not fighting to survive were the embarrasing "smoke bombs." They neither exploded enough to injure Skeksis nor smoked enough to have any appreciable impact on the battle. After setting up the Gelflings to be in a fight for survival the previous nine episodes--where Seladon has been shown as ready and willing to kill and sacrifice innocent Gelflings just to hang on to her illusion of power--the sudden shift to the idea that Gelflings are kind and gentle and do not kill is utter bullshit. They've shown themselves more than willing to slaughter Arathim, for crying out loud! That's not just bad writing, it's insulting writing. The Skeksis lost three of their number during the battle with the Gelfings, and up to that point had been viewed as godlike and immortal. Instead of celebrating, the Gelflings and their Arathim allies should've swarmed the Emperor and his party and strung them all up, then marched on the Castle of the Crystal, killed the Scientist and his single Garthim, then restored the Crystal. In any sane, logical universe this would've happened. Oh, sure for the sake of continuing the series such an action needs to fail--I understand that. But right now, it's happening because the Gelflings are being idiots, and the narrative only progresses because it's an idiot plot. Also, from a dramatic point of view, bringing Aughra back the episode immediately following her apparent death just diminishes that earlier sacrifice. You've got to sell the death, and make the viewer believe this timeline really is diverging from that of the movie, so when Aughra returns, it's a dramatic, mind-blowing moment. You don't hit the reset button at the end of Infinity War. You hit it to start the finale of Endgame, the payoff to an epic amount of struggle and sacrifice to reach that point. That's a worthy payoff, not Aughra coming back through no action of her's or the Gelflings', but rather a character who's been offstage for 95 percent of this series.

You know, I really like this series in many ways, but I hate it just as passionately because the lazy, bad, poorly-thought-out moments betray those good ones. The plot relies on coincidence and deus ex machina way too much, and for all the creativity and imagination on display, there are equal measures of Hollywood cliche at work as well. I sincerely hope this series gets renewed by Netflix for a second season, but for the love of Pete, I hope they invest as much effort in the scripts as they have in the amazing puppetry on display. The Henson Company is better than this--the showed that much with Farscape back in the day. I'm just ready for them to prove their storytelling chops can match their ability to produce glorious eye candy.

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The Dark Crystal: Age of Restistance episode 9

Episode 9: The Crystal Calls

Obligatory Plot Summary: Having escaped the Darkening-tainted caves of Grot, Rian is about to go back in to search for the Dual Glaive when the Grottan Maudra Fara reveals that she's had half of it all along, disguised as a walking stick. Maudra Fara then mind melds... er, Dreamfasts with Rian, showing him that his father, Ordon, took up the Dual Glaive during the Arathim during the battle of Stone-In-The-Wood years before. After emerging victorious, Ordon separated the glaive into its parts, giving one to Maudra Fara for safekeeping, and hiding the other in the weapons forge at Stone-In-The-Wood. Rian and Deet head off on a landstrider to retrieve the other half of the magic sword. Back at the Castle of the Crystal, the Skeksis have Seladon and Brea and other Gelflings are prepped to be drained of their essence when Aughra arrives. After squabbling with the Skeksis, she makes a deal with the Emperor--if the Gelflings are freed, she will allow herself to be drained so that Hunter may be brought back from the bring of death. The Emperor agrees, but orders the General to kill the freed Gelflings before they can escape the castle. As the Gelflings are leaving, Arathim-possessed Tavra confides in her sisters that the Arathim and Gelflings have allied against the Skeksis, and the trade is Aughra's plan. The General and Collector ambush the Gelflings, but Tavra stabs him with her sword, giving him a grave wound as a Spitter surprises the Collector with a burst of venom to her face. Tavra pursues the General as the other Gelfling escape, but is attacked by the Chamberlain before she can finish the General off. The General expects Chamberlain to kill him, but instead the Chamberlain gives him Gelfling essence, healing his wound and saving his life. Aughra mocks the Skeksis as she is drained, saying she will return to Thra when she dies, but they will be nothing but dust. Aughra dissipates in a burst of light as she is drained, and the Skeksis give her essence to Hunter. Hunter trembles but does not revive and is given up for dead. Brea and Seladon find Tavra just as she dies, and reconcile. The General, Chamberlain and Collector return to the Emperor, warning of the Gelfling/Arathim alliance. The General advocates they pursue the Chamberlain's plan of having the Scientist build an army out of reanimated Arathim carcasses. The Emperor, emboldened, declares that Skeksis cannot die, and has Hunter's corpse propped up at the court table like a marionette, El Cid-style. Across Thra, Rian and Deet reach Stone-In-The-Wood and Rian retrieves the second part of the glaive. Magic happens when it's joined together, Rian experiences a cascade of visions, including Jen returning the jamming the shard back into the Crystal in the movie. All Gelfling fires on Thra turn blue, and allowing Rian to speak to all Gelflings across the world. The Crystal also responds, attracting the Skeksis, and the Emperor threatens all the Gelfling through the burning Facetime app, but Rian faces him down and announces that he'll meet the Skeksis in battle at Stone-In-The-Wood, calling on all the Gelfling clans to join him against their treacherous overlords. As the Skeksis prepare for battle, nobody notices Hunter's hand twitching.

Musings: This was an uneven episode, but quite strong in places. Aughra's warning that Skeksis "will only be dust" is an overt reference to the movie, and a clue that Hunter is not dead. That was heavy-handed, and a little frustrating as it telegraphs that the show really doesn't trust its audience to suss things out. Aughra's draining, however, was a shocking moment. It was unexpected and reinforces the notion that this series has shifted into a different timeline than the original movie. This, of course, is immediately undercut by Rian's vision when the Dual Glaive is joined, as Jen's appearance indicates they actually are still in the same timeline. But the loss of Aughra is still confounding. Seladon continues to be an irredeemable bitch throughout most of the episode, until she finally comes to her senses when Tavra dies. Her character is extremely problematic, as she seems to lust after power for power's sake. The previous episode, even after learning the truth about the Skeksis, she tried to bargain to keep her grip on power, offering to sacrifice seven innocent Gelflings for the Skeksis to do with as they please. Even the Skeksis were disgusted by this craven move. Yet following Tavra's death, Seladon suddenly does a 180 and is all about Team Gelfling after that. This character whiplash doesn't track, and feeds into my criticism of this series--the characters are often juvenile, acting in certain ways because the script demands it of them, not out of organic character development. Seladon, were she to stay true to character, may well turn against the Skeksis out of self-preservation, but she would still be haughty and high-handed with the other Gelflings to ensure her continued grip on power. I was troubled by the Arathim sending only one of their own to fight the General and Collector, a half-hearted move that seemed destined to fail, and it did. Finding the scattered pieces of the Dual Glaive is classic plot-coupon plotting, and left me unimpressed. The magic blue fire was a plot development of convenience. Magic only seems to exist in this world when the script writer needs it to make some narrative bridge, and this was no exception. Magic is somewhat rare in this universe, but spectacular when it manifests. Despite this, the Gelflings seem both ignorant and disinterested in it. The episode starts out fairly strong, but by the end, what is supposed to be a triumphant set-up for the season finale is thoroughly undercut by cliche and a forced sense of drama.

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The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance episode 8

Episode 8: Prophets Don't Know Everything

Okay, apology time. I've been way remiss in my reviews, to the point where they may not matter anymore, if they ever did in the first place. Fact of the matter is, I finished the series prior to posting my review of episode 7. Unfortunately, life and the holidays and all manner of other things intervened to keep me from doing those writeups. When I finally sat down to render my final three reviews, I realized that I'd forgotten significant elements from the episodes, so hand to block out time to re-watch them. Grr. Maybe this time I'll close the deal.

Obligatory Plot Summary: In the ghost town that is now Stone-In-The-Wood, Aughra heals a wounded threader (mini mind-control Arathim) and chides it for attempting to mind-control her the previous episode. Seladon and her paladin escorts arrive, tsk tsking at the futile battle that had taken place. Arrogance turned up to 11, Seladon dismisses Aughra's warnings and declares that she will free Stone-In-The-Wood clan by negotiating with the Skeksis and reaffirming Gelfling loyalty. Aughra, crafty as always, slips her eye into Seladon's bag in order to spy on the meeting with the Skeksis, then sends the healed threader to follow. At the Castle of the Crystal, the Skeksis drain the essence of many captured Stone-In-The-Wood fighters, and also the former castle guard who alerted the Skeksis to the brewing guard revolt two episodes prior. With the Skeksis guzzling Essence like it's a Gatsby party, wily Chamberlain convinces the Gruenak slaves to switch the General's vial of essence with a fake, so he will weaken. The Gruenaks, desperate for freedom, agree. The General realizes his Essence isn't rejuvenating him, and is in the midst of a meltdown when Seladon arrives. The Emperor mocks her mercilessly before throwing her in the dungeon with the other surviving Gelflings. Aughra sees Seladon's failure, and the threader retrieves her eye. Elsewhere, Deet and Rian depart the Circle of the Suns by flying through the subterranean tunnels, buoyed by the hot wind known as the Breath of Thra. They reach Grot to discover Arathim have overrun it, mind-controlling the Gelflings with threaders. Deet's possessed little brother, Bobb'n, discovers them and is calling other Arathim to capture them when a darkened Nurloc attacks. Rian saves Bobb'n by distracting the Nurloc. Intrigued, Bobb'n leads Rian and Deet to the main gathering of Arathim, where the Gelflings discover that Grot was the Arathim's ancestral home, until the Skeksis drove them out and replace them with Gelflings. Deet and Rian warn the Arathim the Skeksis intend for them all to be killed by the mad Nurlocs, and the Arathim agree to an alliance with Gelflings. Back at the Castle, Hunter arrives with captive Brea, then promptly collapses, riddled with arrows. Fearing that Hunter was brought down by Gelflings, the Emperor orders that all remaining essence be given to Hunter in order to save him. When this fails, the Emperor orders the draining of every Gelfling on Thra. The Grottan Gelflings and Arathim escape the rampaging Nurlocs by climbing up the Sanctuary tree. The darkened Nurlocs attack the tree itself, and the tree transfers its magic to Deet, who calms the Nurlocs by drawing the darkening out of them into herself. She collapses and Rian carries her to safety.

Musings: This was a solid episode. Exceptionally solid. There was real emotion here, urgency, high stakes. The actions of all the characters felt in line with their personalities, as opposed to doing something because the script demanded it. The hinted romance between Deet and Rian still feels forced and wrong, but at least it remains implied rather than overt. Seladon's meeting with the Skeksis court is a high point in this series, with the arrogant All-Maudra getting a hilariously cruel comeuppance. Seriously, the Skeksis Emperor's deliberate consideration of each of Seladon's proposals before delivering a mocking, "No," is amazing. As is the guffaws and cackles of the other Skeksis, like a pack of junior high kids who'd just figured out how to spell "BOOBIES" on a calculator. And I have to say, the performance of Aughra continues to be outstanding. I'm just amazed at how immediate and tactile the character is. Yes, it's essentially a person wearing a puppet, but most of the time it feels like an actress wearing very, very good makeup.

There's one more thing I want to bring up--I'd intended to do so several episodes back, but like a dolt, forgot. Remember how back in episode 1 I said there were some apparent deviations from the original movie that felt jarring? Well, Aughra has made comments about setting things in motion and trying to manage outcomes. I've had a growing... suspicion isn't the right word, perhaps wondering? A growing wondering if Age of Resistance is toying with quantum theory, in that all possible timelines and outcomes are equally valid, equally real, and that Aughra is able to see each of them. That the reality presented in the original Dark Crystal film is but one possibility that is not necessarily a guaranteed outcome. I am curious as to how this will play out.

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The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance episode 7

Episode 7: Time to Make... My Move

Obligatory Plot Summary: The Dousan Gelfling Rek'yr drops Rian's group off within sight (distant sight) of the Circle of the Suns, a distant mesa jutting up from the Crystal Sea. Rian's group has to outrace a sandstorm to reach it, and only survive because stone golem Lore carries them up the steep cliff walls. At the top, they find the Heretic and Wanderer, a Skeksis and Mystic, living together. They're both absolutely bonkers, and through an equally bonkers puppet show, explain how they're two halves of the same being and were exiled for suggesting Skeksis and Mystics should get along and work together to figure out a way to rejoin into a single being. The Heretic reveals that he created Lore, and removes the magical crystal, reverting the golem to an inert pile of boulders. The pair inform Rian that to defeat the Skeksis, he needs to retrieve the Dual Gglaive, a magical sword hidden in the Caves of Grot. Speaking of the Caves of Grot, the Skeksis Emperor promises the Arathim Ascendancy (giant hive-mind spiders referred to as Spitters) they can return to their ancestral home in the Caves of Grot if they defeat the Stonewood clan's Gelfling army. The Spitters promise to do more than that. Elsewhere, Hunter (remember him?) captures Rek'yr and his crew, demanding to know where Rian is. Rek'yr resists the torture, but one of his crew panics and tells Hunter that Rian is at the Circle of the Suns. At Stone-in-the-Wood, Aughra shows up to try and talk Maudra Fara out of a frontal assault on the Skeksis. Fara rejects Aughra's counsel, and the next thing we know, Princess Tavra (captured by the Skeksis several episodes back) shows up, wrapped in a cloak. She throws open the cloak and hundreds of tiny Spitters swarm the Gelfling army, latching onto the sides of their faces and mind-controlling them. Completely overwhelmed, the zombie Gelfling army marches off to the Skeksis dungeons. Back at the Circle of the Suns, Hunter shows up abruptly and kicks everyone's ass. Hup brandishes his spoon and charges Hunter, who declares the Podling "cute" before flinging him with bone-crunching force against a distant wall. At the last moment, Archer, the Mystic counterpart to Hunter, shows up and peppers the Skeksis with arrows. Gravely wounded, Hunter grabs Princess Brea and flees.

Musings: There's a lot to unpack here. More plot is crammed into this episode than almost the rest of the episodes combined. The return of Hunter is welcomed, as things always pick up when he's around, as long as he's a puppet and not CGI. Archer shooting him, and apparently shooting to kill, or at least severely wound, was a striking sequence even if expected. Archer, of course, suffered every wound he inflicted on Hunter, and if the Skeksis dies, so does the Mystic. Speaking of, the origin story the Heretic and Wanderer share is not the one from the movie. In the original film, the alien urSkeks cracked the Crystal of Truth in a misguided attempt to rid themselves of evil elements in their nature. In this telling, they were doing nothing of the sort, but rather experimenting on the Crystal itself when things went blooey. That's... significant, to say the least. In light of that, the urSkeks, and Skeksis and Mystics after them, are very much a metaphor for invasive species, which can arrive and utterly disrupt an ecosystem causing the extinction of many species. And disrupt they do--in promising the Caves of Grot to the Arathim, the Emperor intends for the Spitters to destroy the Grottan tribe, then subsequently die themselves as the Darkening--the corruption spreading out from the Crystal--has taken root in the Caves of Grot and are tainting all life there. And while I'm on the subject of Grottans, Deet's casual mention that she has two fathers serves the simultaneous purpose of conveying that homosexuality is an unremarkable reality on Thra, whilst simultaneously causing the heads of "Think of the children!" bigots to explode worldwide. The things I really didn't like about this episode were 1) Gelflings didn't create any of the magic that Princess Brea discovered in and around the throne room. Lore, and everything else, was planted there by the Heretic, 2) the introduction of the magical weapon that can save the good guys from the unstoppable evil. I mean, even the name, "Dual Glaive" evokes memories of the similarly-named Glaive from the 1980s fantasy movie Krull. As it came out not long after the original Dark Crystal I'm certain the name isn't a coincidence. So next episode we're going to get a quest for the Grail... or whatever. What started out as a clever, funny and inventive episode fell back into serious fantasy cliche territory very, very hard. This series continues its bipolar tendencies, as it goes from soaring heights to deep, deep pits of drek at the drop of a hat. I would sincerely appreciate some consistency.

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The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance episode 6

Episode 6: By Gelfling Hand...

Obligatory Plot Summary: The Chamberlain arrives at Stone-in-the-Wood and demands the Gelflings serve his needs. Instead, they hide and throw rocks in open defiance. Terrified, the Chamberlain flees. Rian and his party catch up with the Skeksis coach conveying the "volunteers" as well as Brea, Deet and Hup to the Castle of the Crystal. The rescue doesn't go that well until the stone golem, Lore, arrives and starts ripping the coach apart. The Skeksis flee in terror. Rian convinces the freed Paladins of the Skeksis' evil. They then spread out across the land to warn all the Gelfling tribes. Despite the panic of the Skeksis seen thus far, things go differently at the Castle of the Crystal. Despite overwhelming numbers, the Gelfling guards' rebellion against the Skeksis is crushed off-camera. All the Gelflings, including Princess Tavra, are imprisoned in the dungeon. Many of them are drained of their essences. The Chamberlain arrives warning of the Stonewood tribe's open rebellion. Rather than fear, the Skeksis celebrate not having to pretend to be benevolent rulers anymore. Aughra meets with the Archer about Hunter. The Archer tells her he cannot kill his counterpart, but Aughra responds he must find a way. In Ha'rar, Princess Seladon burns her mother's body as a traitor (apparently, cremation is a huge insult in Gelfling circles) then summons the Maudras from the other tribes to crown her the new All-Maudra. The others point out that any of the Maudras may be chosen All-Maudra, and Fara of Stonewood challenges for the title. Seladon initially accepts the challenge, but later reneges, forging a new, Skeksis-inspired crown and declaring herself All-Maudra. Fara and the Drenchen Maudra flee, while the remaining Maudras bow to Seladon. Elsewhere, at the edge of a great desert called the Crystal Sea, Rian and the rest pause to rest and mourn their lost friends and family. Their songs attract the attention of a Dousan Gelfling tribesman, Rek'yr, arriving the next morning on the back of a giant, flying manta ray. He agrees to transport Rian, Deet, Brea, Hup and Lore not exactly to the Circle of the Suns (which is their goal), because that place is supposed to be cursed/haunted/a bad place to be, but at least within shouting distance of it. The others in their group depart to organize resistance against the Skeksis. Ominously, Hunter shows up as the party departs.

Musings: Okay, I thought some of the sets inside the Castle of the Crystal looked familiar, and now I'm certain of it. Some of the passageways in this episode are definitely Moya's corridors from Farscape redressed. I don't mean the actual sets from that science fiction series--it was filmed in Australia, after all, and the sets were broken down after the show was prematurely cancelled following season four. But the passages are of the same odd teardrop shape, which leads me to believe they pulled the original blueprints and adapted the design for a more fantasy-leaning setting. Which doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things, but I notice details like that. Like most episodes thus far, this one's a mixed bag for me. The Skeksis seem inept and hapless early in the episode, to the point where one wonders why the Gelflings haven't risen up and slaughtered them before now. Then we turn around and have the castle guard uprising put down without the Skeksis so much as breaking a sweat. This inconsistency is maddening. We saw the Chamberlain suffer pain from simple rocks being thrown at him earlier. We've seen a Skeksis stabbed back in episode 2 when Rian and Gurjin were captured, and while the wound wasn't fatal, the Skeksis was clearly in distress. Yet here we have an entire detachment of highly trained Gelfling warriors defeated without much effort? It's inconsistencies like this that keep throwing me out of the show. If the Skeksis are so powerful, they shouldn't be driven off by thrown rocks. Likewise, if the Gelfling warriors are legit, then the Skeksis should've suffered serious wounds putting down the rebellion. This show seems to exist in binary: Everything that happens is either all or nothing.

The scene between Archer and Aughra was interesting. This is the first time the duality of the Skeksis/Mystics is alluded to. Although those of us who've seen the movie have already figured out that Archer and Hunter are a single being, split, Star Trek-style by at transporter accident into separate physical forms, it's nice to see that fact coming into play in this narrative. The scene with Rian, Deet, Brea and Hup in mourning was nice. Lore is interesting, as the stone golem has imprinted on Deet. I'm wondering if this will come into play in the future. Rian and Deet make goo-goo eyes at each other briefly, and I had a huge problem with this. Rian lost Mira just a few days before, and watched as the Chamberlain drank down the last of her essence. To have him in a budding romance with Deet in episode 6 is just icky. The Dousan are interesting additions to the series. As aerial nomads, I wonder how the Skeksis would be able to conquer them. Curiously, Rian shares that they're the only Gelfling tribe forbidden from serving as guards at the Castle of the Crystal. I wonder if there's payoff for that in the future, or if it's just a throw-away line. The flying manta ray is cool. Although it's a muppet, it's still composited into the scene and that use of CGI remains distracting. It's not as bad as the landstriders roaming in the distance (the landstriders compositing bothers me more than it should) but is still an issue. Seladon has also dropped any pretense of being a nuanced, complex character. She's a power-mad villain at this point, which still doesn't jibe with the more complex character she was initially presented as, but I've come to expect these inconsistencies.

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The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance episode 5

Episode 5: She Knows All the Secrets

Obligatory Plot Summary: Hunter has Rian tied up and is ready to slice the Gelfling up to claim his hunting trophy when the Chamberlain abruptly shows up to talk him out of it. Instead, the Chamberlain takes possession of Rian to return the Gelfling to the castle himself, all in a bid to regain favor with the Emperor. The All-Maudra, who had earlier dismissed rumors of an unnatural blight corrupting Gelfling lands, is shown a landstrider corrupted by the Darkening. This jars the All-Maudra, who begins questioning her recent (and arrogant) decisions. Rather than allow her guard to kill the afflicted creature, the All-Maudra orders its release, commending its fate to Thra. Princess Seladon squabbles with Princess Brea, arguing the magical stone creature, Lore, is dangerous and unnatural, as is the hidden chamber beneath the throne room. The All-Maudra arrives, and although skeptical, agrees to enter the chamber with Brea, mindful of her recent errors in judgment. Deet, disguised as Ha'rar nobility to gain an audience with the All-Maudra, arrives with Hup, carrying her warning of the Darkening. The disguise doesn't fool Seladon for a moment. Deet offers to prove her story by Dreamfasting with Seladon. In the Skeksis coach, Rian and the Chamberlain argue about the ethics of the Skeksis harvesting Gelflings. In exasperation, the Chamberlain stops the coach and offers Rian his freedom. If Rian flees, the Chamberlain warns, rebellion and war will follow, and the Skeksis will kill all Gelflings. If Rian stays and war is averted, the majority of Gelflings will live out their lives happily, oblivious of the grim fate of some of their number. Rian, swayed by the Chamberlain's arguments, agrees to stay. A short while later, Naia and Gurjin (freed by Naia from the Skeksis dungeons) attack the coach with the goal of freeing Rian. The Chamberlain's arguments apparently forgotten, Rian, Gurjin and Naia disconnect the giant rolling pillbug things from the coach and ride off to freedom as the Chamberlain crashes in humiliation. At the Sanctuary tree, Aughra has been stomping and fussing and demanding to hear the Song of Thra, with no success. Aughra then realizes she must listen, humbly, to be able to hear Thra. The song comes to her and she begins to chant and dance in ritualistic fashion. Across Thra, Rian shares what he's seen of the Skeksis with Gurjin and Naia through Dreamfasting, while in Ha'rar, Brea and the All-Maudra do the same, as do Deet and Seladon. They're all brought together simultaneously in a dreamspace version of the Castle of the Crystal, where Aughra tells them all the full extent of the Skeksis plans. Rian shares the death of Mira, and they all agree the Skeksis mus be fought before Gelflings are wiped out--all except Seladon, who argues what they speak is blasphemy. Aughra casts her out of dreamspace. The remaining rebels lay out their plans, then return to the real world. Seladon rushes to the two Skeksis gathering the "volunteers" and tells them the All-Maudra plots to betray them. The All-Maudra confronts the Skeksis, intent on saving the seven volunteers, and warns them that Gelflings will no longer cooperate. The Skeksis promptly kill the All-Maudra. Seladon claims the title of All-Maudra for herself, and brands Brea, Deet and Hup as traitors. She orders the late-arriving guards to capture the trio and lock them up with the volunteers for transport to the Castle of the Crystal.

Musings: When I say this one was all over the place, I'm not kidding. It contains the absolute best scene of the series thus far, as well as the worst. Throughout the series, the Chamberlain has been presented as the greatest equivocator ever, a devious twister of words who is able to confess to the worst of sins and end up being praised for his nobility. The trouble is, the writing of his dialogue has been sophomoric at best, middle-school reverse psychology at worst. Convincing, he is not. And yet, when he justifies the Skeksis actions to Rian in the coach, he's almost convincing. Not because of the strength of his argument, mind you, but because the Chamberlain seems genuinely concerned with averting bloodshed and suffering. He doesn't regard Gelflings as anything more than livestock, but he sincerely wants said livestock to be treated ethically until the time comes for them to be melted by the Dark Crystal and turned into essence for the enjoyment of Skeksis. And Rian is seemingly won over by this, and rejects the Chamberlain's offer to walk free. That is, until Gurjin and Naia show up, at which point Rian's like, "Up yours, Skeksis! I'm outta here!" It makes not one lick of sense. That escape scene renders the previous scene utterly pointless, a time-filler to pad out the episode. It utterly muddles Rian's motivation and undermines his actions. Why the hell did Rian stay? There's no sense of any plan or motivation on his part, other than to follow the dictates of the script. As for the escape itself, ugh. Yes, it was a clever action sequence on paper, but in reality, it went on twice as long as it should have. Action stretched out too long becomes boring, doubly so when all the Chamberlain had to do to foil the escape was halt the coach. Instead, he flails around inside the coach for several minutes, screaming occasional threats, as the Gelflings fumble around before stealing the giant pill-bugs in the most anti-climactic climax ever. You know, had Rian taken the Chamberlain up of his offer to go free, only to have the Chamberlain renege at the last moment (revealing him to be a liar) the escape sequence would've made sense and at least given Rian some little shred of pride. But no, it was just mindless.

Seladon, too, is problematic. She's presented in previous episodes as bitchy and self-important, but also wholly devoted to her mother, the All-Maudra, and duty. That's not exactly nuanced character, but it is multilayered and a far cry from a mustache-twirling villain. Unfortunately, as soon as the Skeksis are identified as a threat, Seladon becomes... I don't know, a religious fanatic? She doesn't act out of concern for the best interests of the Gelfling subjects (which could've been an interesting take, Seladon as reluctant collaborator to try and save as many Gelflings as possible) but rather out of heretofore-unseen blind devotion to the Skeksis. She blames Brea for her mother's death, seizes power immediately, condemns her sister to certain death and comes off as gloating over her mother's corpse. That's... jarring. Seladon's motivation just isn't there. In all previous scenes, she doesn't come off as power-hungry. If anything, being first in line for the throne is viewed as both a duty and a burden, and she expresses a degree of envy toward her sisters, who don't face either.

The best scene, though, almost makes up for all the bad. Almost. When Aughra is dancing and the scattered Gelflings are Dreamfasting, the rhythm and the sounds and the cuts between each of the scenes is rhythmic and dazzling and transcendent. Katherine Smee is the puppeteer controlling Aughra, and in many cases, wearing the Aughra puppet/prosthetics. Her dancing motion is at once fluid and jerky, otherworldly and tribal. Without her performance here, this scene tying together disparate characters and locales would not work. This is an ambitious sequence. Not just technically ambitious--this series is chock-full of technical wonder. No, this is ambitious from an editing and directoral perspective, conveying the world-changing significance of this moment without any comprehensible dialog, evoking an emotional response, that elusive "sensawunda" out of latex figures pretending to be real. There's some real wow there.

And then they go and spoil it all by immediately killing the All-Maudra as soon as she realizes the error of her ways and turns on the Skeksis. Not only is she the second authority figure to die immediately upon realizing the truth about the Skeksis, she does so in the stupidest way possible. She confronts the Skeksis--who she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt casually kill Gelflings and consume their essence at the drop of a hat--without any of her royal guard, her paladins, but also does so knowing Seladon has warned the Skeksis in advance. That's idiot plot territory right there, when situations unfold the way they do only because characters act like idiots. I hate that. Here's the thing many writers in Hollywood are quick to forget: It is entirely possible to do everything right, to make no mistakes, and still lose. Show the All-Maudra being smart and clever, mobilizing the paladins, recognizing the Skeksis for both the tactical and existential threat they are, and still failing! It's stupid when the lone sleuth confronts the crooked cop in an abandoned warehouse, announcing that they've discovered said cop has been a hitman for the mob with 567 murders to his credit and the sleuth is now going to tell everyone the truth--just as soon as they can get back to civilization, because their cell phone's dead, their car has a flat and they didn't tell anyone where they were going in the first place. It's infuriating when humans do it, and it's infuriating when Gelflings do it. The end.

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The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance episode 4

Episode 4: The First Thing I Remember Is Fire

Obligatory Plot Summary: In need of more essence, the Skeksis decide to demand a tribute of seven warriors from each Gelfling tribe to fight the threat of the Arathim (Spitters), large spider-like creatures who have waged war on Gelflings and Skeksis before. The Chamberlain's caution is blamed for Rian's continued evasion of capture, and the threat of Gelfling rebellion grows. Chamberlain is exiled from the Emperor's table, and in retaliation the Chamberlain summons the Hunter, a free-roaming, predatory Skeksis and sets him on Rian's trail. Back in Ha'rar, Princess Brea follows the stairs beneath the throne to a hidden chamber beneath. Each of the Gelfling clans is represented in the chamber by a stone carving with an inset for a glowing medallion. Brea attempts to solve the chamber's riddle by placing the medallion on each carving in turn, in order of the various clans' hierarchical rank. When this fails, Brea realizes that the hierarchy is artificial, that all Gelfling clans/tribes are equal. This turns out to be the solution to the riddle, and a pile of boulders in the chamber assembles itself into a bizarre stone giant identified as Lore. Aughra, frustrated by her failure with the Skeksis as well as her failure to hear the Song of Thra, encounters the Archer, a roaming Mystic who speaks in riddles but ultimately directs her to the Sanctuary Tree to re-learn the Song of Thra. Rian is finally cornered in a Podling village by Princess Tavra, as well as Gurjin's sister Naia and her friend Kylan. Each believes Rian's a murderer and want to turn him in for their own ends. Rian begs them to dreamfast with him, and shows the lone remaining vial of Mira's essence. Because of the Skeksis warning that Rian's madness is passed along by Dreamfasting, they are reluctant to do so, but finally agree. As they are dreamfasting, Ordon, Rian's father, arrives and joins the dreamfast circle as well. All are horrified by the truth and vow to help Rian. The group separates with different missions. Rian and Ordon are ambushed by the Hunter, and it's immediately apparent the Gelfling warriors are overmatched. After hatching a quick plan with Rian as bait, the Gelflings lure the Hunter to a patch of ravenous gobbles (think quicksand with teeth). Ordon sacrifices himself by knocking Hunter into the gobbles. Hunter is too powerful for even the gobbles, however, and emerges (worse for the wear) to capture Rian and head back to the Castle of the Crystal with his prize.

Musings: Holy cow, this was a pretty kick-ass episode! Hunter is an insane, bad-ass Skeksis, a welcome addition to this world and significantly different from the courtly Skeksis we're familiar with, although no less menacing. I was surprised he survived the gobbles, as the Skeksis had not been shown as all that powerful prior to this. Alas, the battle between Hunter, Ordon and Rian isn't terribly satisfying. First of all, the CIG Hunter, slithering through the trees, wasn't good. It didn't make him seem threatening, it was jarring. CGI Hunter did not move in the same way as muppet Hunter at all. It was unnecessary and arguably accomplished nothing beyond inflating the budget and throwing me out of the moment. The actual battle falls into the trope of building an opponent up so that when they're easily defeated, viewers will be wowed by the power of the victor. Rian and particularly Ordon have been positioned as good, potentially great (Ordon) Gelfling warriors. We've seen Skeksis being stabbed, tortured, hurt and bleeding. Hunter's fight with the Gelflings makes the Gelflings look inept and hapless. That's a cheat. For comparison, consider Empire Strikes Back--during the climactic lightsabre duel, viewers are left with no doubt that Luke was woefully overmatched by Darth Vader, but the film still went through considerable effort to show that Luke was not hapless or inept. Vader was just that much stronger. In this battle, apart from the trick with the gobbles (which is more of a ruse than actual combat prowess) the Gelflings might as well be fighting Hunter with Podling Hup's spoon. I know there are budget considerations, but this falls more to the inconsistencies in the script, which have been my problem since episode one. I'm also troubled by the fact that Ordon, the first Gelfling with any authority, is killed off almost as soon as he learns the truth. I understand the narrative needed a death for the Hunter battle to attain a certain gravity, but Ordon's came off as too quick, too convenient.

We also are introduced to Hunter's Mystic counterpart, the Archer, who strikes me as a lot more talkative than most Mystics. I love the physical design of the Mystics and want to see more. Curiously, despite almost unquestioning devotion to their Skeksis overlords, Gelflings, by and large, seem to automatically default to trusting one another. The Skeksis/Gelfling relationship is best described as Gods/worshippers, so this is an interesting development. More interesting is Brea's activation of Lore. Here, we're treated to much more metaphysical magic manifestation. All I can ask here is where did the Gelflings get all of this bad-ass magical power, and why don't they seem to have access to it anymore? Lore is a great creation, weirdly asymmetrical in design. The construct (a stone golem would be the closest analog in established mythologies, I suppose) has what is essentially a phonograph cylinder on its arm, which rotates and produces a recorded message when Lore's other arm, ending in a stone hook, touches it. I mean, this is some gonzo crazy inventive creativity at work here. Between Lore and the Hunter, this episode has the most freshness and vitality of any thus far. Something's actually happening, and the series feels downright vibrant.

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The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance episode 2

Episode 2: Nothing is Simple Anymore.

I sat down to watch episode 2 with a beer and lowered expectations. After thinking on the debut episode, my initial impressions were reaffirmed: It took too long in introducing too many characters, and dawdled about before introducing anything resembling a plot. And the technical aspects of the production were inconsistent beyond the intrusive CGI. In some scenes, the puppets felt very much like living creatures, whereas in others they came off as stiff latex castings. I tried to get two of my children to watch with me. My 20-year-old daughter considered it for a moment before losing interest. My 13-year-old son watched about 30 seconds before announcing it was "the creepiest thing I've ever seen" and fleeing. I guess I jinxed it by suggesting they watch with me--anything Dad's interested in is, by default, inherently uncool.

Obligatory Plot Summary: Aughra wakes up from a thousand-year sleep, or something like that, where she did the Thra version of astral projection across the cosmos. She senses something terribly wrong with Thra, and vows to find out what it is and set it right. Elsewhere, Deet, the naive underground-dwelling Grottan Gelfling, wanders across Thra with cloth tied over her eyes as shade against the bright sunlight. She's blissfully unaware of any dangerous creatures or threats, until attacked by a Spitter, a spider-like creature I suspect eventually morph into Garthim. Deet is saved, sort of, by the heroic yet incompetent bravery of Hup, a Podling armed with a spoon who aspires to become a Paladin. In Ha'rar, the Gelfling capitol, Princess Brea visits the Sifa Gelfling to decipher the mystery of a mystical symbol she discovered last episode (yeah, I forgot to mention that--in the royal library, books started flying around and a big glowing symbol appeared to her. Plot coupon, anyone?). The leader of the Sifa tried to dupe her into drinking a memory-wipe potion, but Brea turns the tables on him in a scene evocative of Vizzini and Westley from Princess Bride. His apprentice talls Brea to bring the All-Maudra's brightest jewel the following night to have her questions answered. Back at the Castle of the Crystal, Rian is hunted for Mira's murder. He dreamfasts with his friend, Gurjin, to show him the truth. Alas, Gelflings cannot pass on memories of another through dreamfasting, so Gurjin cannot convince anyone else of the Skeksis' treachery. The two hatch a plan to steal the remaining vial of Mira's essence as proof of what the Skeksis have done (I just remembered that I left out of my previous synopsis that the Skeksis have been drawing life energy from the Crystal the previous millennia, but they have now drained the Crystal dry, necessitating the switch to Gelfling juice to fuel their immortality). Whilst trying to steal the essence, Rian and Gurjin are caught up in a confrontation between the Chamberlain and Scientist, the former who is trying to steal the essence for his own use. Gurjin is captured but Rian escapes with the essence. When the two Skeksis report what has happened to the Emperor, Chamberlain twists the events to lay all the blame on the Scientist, who is punished by having Peeper Beetles gouge out one of his eyes.

Musings: Holy shit! That Peeper Beetle scene was freaking intense, even if the gore is implied rather than graphic. And I just realized Mark Hamill is the voice of Scientist! He's doing a helluva job in the role, although, when you get down to it, all of the Skeksis are pretty stupid. They're evil, but a buffoonish evil, which makes them hard to take seriously as bad guys, until they unleash the Peeper Beetles. Ugh. I'm happy to report this episode is much better than the first. Motivations and actions make sense. The characters are much easier to identify with and follow. Plot is happening. There is agency from multiple quarters. The return of Aughra is welcome, although she does very little beyond berating a hapless Podling. Deet is perhaps the most enjoyable character, best characterized as a tree-hugging hippie chick. Were all the other characters human, she'd be the flighty elf.

The problem of bathos continues, however. The Skeksis, as much as they're built up at this menacing evil, just don't come off as competent enough to be bloodthirsty tyrants. The court intrigue we see is sophomoric at best. Their subterfuge is clunky. The Chamberlain's Iago-style wordplay is the equivalent of schoolyard, "Let's you and him fight!" Considering the tone of the original movie, the Skeksis shouldn't spout menace or sophistication of a Hannibal Lecter, but here they're not even Dick Dastardly. Heck, rising to the level of Boris and Natasha would be an improvement. At this point, considering the incompetent infighting and the Peeper Beetle incident, I'm having a hard time seeing how the Skeksis prevail if the Gelflings do indeed turn against them as the series title promises.

But yeah, episode 2 is a dramatic improvement over its predecessor. I'll definitely watch more.

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The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance episode 1

Episode 1: End. Begin. All the Same.

I'm the target demographic for Netflix's new series, The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, I suppose. I was wowed by it back when it first hit theaters, and I've owned copies on VHS and DVD in the ensuing years. I was stunned by its technical accomplishment and the sheer artistry and imagination that went into the production. Labyrinth hasn't stuck with me as much. Still, I never thought of The Dark Crystal as having much of an influence on my writing until I stopped to think about it, and realized, oh year, there's a bit here, and another bit there, creeping into my work. Particularly early on, which I wrote more fantasy. So maybe I should give it more credit than I have in the past, hmm?

That said, I didn't jump for joy when the series dropped last month. I certainly wasn't as excited as I had been when rumors circulated years ago about a sequel series. Age of Resistance is a prequel, and that left me skeptical. Don't get me wrong. I love the concept of prequels, exploring the distant past of some particular setting, meeting new characters and getting a new appreciate for the legacy and worldbuilding. Where prequels fail is when creators tie them too closely to the original work, so that said prequel exists solely to set up the events we've already seen played out. That would seem to be the case with Age of Resistance-- we are introduced to Gelfling society at its apex, but know that any resistance is doomed to failure, and Gelfling genocide is inevitable. Couple that with disappointed comments online from people who loved The Dark Crystal but turned the new series off before the end of the first episode... I was not encouraged. But since then I've heard positive, even enthusiastic word from people whose opinions I respect, so my interest was piqued.

Obligatory Plot Summary: The series opens with a voiceover giving the general state of affairs on Thra, the world whereupon this story is set. There are seven Gelfling tribes, arranged in a hierarchy, and they owe their allegiance to the Skeksis, who are keepers of the Crystal of Truth. The Skeksis arrived in the distant past, taking guardianship of the Crystal from Mother Aughra, who thought this was just keen as it allowed her to spirit walk across the universe using a spectacularly oversized orrery. Deet, an underground-dwelling Gelfling of the Grottan variety, is attacked by previously-friendly creatures, and learns there is an unnatural sickness, "The Darkening," spreading through Thra. She goes to warn other Gelfling tribes. In the Gelfling capital, a tithing ceremony to the Skeksis plays out in a way that shows the Skeksis are needlessly cruel, and the All-Maudra, essentially high queen of the Gelflings, has been corrupted by the Skeksis and compromised by greed. Her youngest daughter, Princess Brea, sees through the charade. Back at the Castle of the Crystal, the Skeksis Scientist and Chamberlain capture one of the Gelfling honor guards, Mira, and use a machine to corrupt the Crystal's power and drain Mira's life essence, which the Skeksis then consume to prolong their own lives. Rian, Mira's Gelfling lover, sees this happen and flees in horror, but not before he's discovered by the Skeksis.

Musings: Wow. I absolutely understand why people gave up on this one so quickly. This first episode is wildly uneven, to put it kindly. Many characters are introduced, but there's not much of an opportunity for the viewer to make much of a connection with any of them. The episode is therefore reduced to a bunch of stuff happening on the screen. The puppetry is spectacular at times, and at others it comes off as crude and primitive. CGI is used throughout, and when it draws attention to itself, it is quite jarring. The whole episode felt rushed, but at the same time, not much happened. Mira was the only Gelfling I had much interest in, and she was promptly offed in a scenario that doesn't count as fridging, but does tread that cliched ground where the woman dies to provide the male lead motivation. Try as I might, I don't see any reason why the roles couldn't have been reversed, with Rian dying and Mira fleeing. There's a lot of cliche in the characters at this early stage, and that stands out--in the original movie, the whole world was fleshed out in the first 15 minutes and we were well into the plot. By the 90 minute mark, an entire epic story had been told. In this iteration, after 50 minutes we've only scratched the surface of the narrative.

The most jarring moment comes in the opening minutes, when the narrator, in a glaring break with continuity from the movie, informs the viewers that the Skeksis appeared one day from parts unknown, and took possession of the Castle of the Crystal from Aughra. There's no mention of the Crystal cracking, no reference to the Mystics or the urSkesk. It feels very much like a new set of creators coming in that A) didn't pay that much attention to the original, or B) made arbitrary changes to suit their own narrative choices. Having pondered this for some time, I suspect this apparent continuity error was made with intent, that the voice-over narrator is unreliable, or rather, is speaking from the point of view of the Gelflings, parroting what is believed to be true. We shall see.

Ultimately, episode 1 is a beautiful 50 minutes of television, but not a terribly engaging one. I'm inclined to watch more out of general curiosity, not because the story compels me.

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Chicken Ranch report no. 70: Zindler's Zany Zeal pt. 4

A few weeks ago, KTRK (ABC 13) out of Houston ran a couple of stories I helped them put together (here and here) about the infamous Chicken Ranch of La Grange, Texas, which served as the inspiration for the Broadway musical and subsequent film, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. In addition to the new segments, KTRK's producers dug up old broadcasts from 1993, the 20th anniversary of the closure. This is the final installment of the five broadcasts, and I'm offering my thoughts, two decades removed.

This one starts with a recap of the previous videos. Nothing really new here, although there's a rare photo of Austin County Sheriff Truman Maddox at the 1:06 mark (Sheriff Maddox didn't take Zindler's media circus as personally as Sheriff Jim Flournoy did, which is probably why few people remember him today. But Sheriff Maddox was a colorful character in his own right). There's also a brief image of La Grange clergy in the recap, which I'm assuming was included in the fourth retrospective segment, which was cannibalized for the new "43 years later" segment. Obviously, KTRK did not believe enough material remained to make it worthwhile to post the original Zindler piece online, but I find that reasoning disappointing, from a historical perspective. And I have to say, using Charles Durning's "Sidestep" dance number as filler is entertaining, but doesn't bring anything new to the subject. Of more interest is Governor Briscoe's press conference. Bits and pieces of it exist here and there, but I've not been able to find a complete recording of it. The next segment is interesting. It shows Zindler visiting the (closed but still-intact) Chicken Ranch in December of 1974 after it'd been closed for a year. The caretaker made the KTRK crew leave the property as soon as he realized they were there. I like the fact Zindler's puffing on a big cigar and gets a closeup shot of his finger ringing the doorbell. That's a nice touch. Of course, their next stop was downtown La Grange and a fateful encounter with Sheriff Flournoy, one of several events which guaranteed the Chicken Ranch a kind of bizarre, pop culture immortality. Oh! And at the 2:56 mark there's a sign on a gate that says "Closed due to complaints of Marvin Zindler." A screen grab of this image can be found online, attributed to the Chicken Ranch, but this is in fact the sign at the lesser-known Wagon Wheel brothel outside of Sealy. Finally, I find it amusing that Zindler ends this retrospective with a mini-rant about the fact that many people have made money off The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas, but that he didn't share in the profits. This is a wee bit disingenuous, as the whole scandal boosted Zindler's profile (not to mention lifting KTRK out of its perennial third-place finish in the ratings) and--if it didn't make his career, certainly cemented his place as a Texas celebrity. Zindler did profit, and profit greatly, but his benefits accrued indirectly.

Watching these videos makes me a little melancholy. Not for the closure of the Chicken Ranch, mind you--that's ancient history and there's no turning back the clock. No, I'm frustrated that the station manager at KTRK I spoke with five or so years back chose not to make any of this archival footage available to me. Zindler's original film broadcasts were stored in a warehouse outside the city, and there was no viewing system set up, etc., which made it impractical, if not impossible, to get me access to them. Clearly, these retrospective videos show that the station did have a significant portion of those broadcasts archived for easy access. It would've been nice had I been able to review and incorporate them when researching my book, but I guess it was easier just to put off the peon writer with a partial truth. The reporters there I've worked with have been great, mind you. I just wish the station had been more generous back before they needed something from me.

Inside the Texas Chicken Ranch: The Definitive Account of the Best Little Whorehouse is now listed on both Amazon.com and BarnesAndNoble.com for pre-order.

Title: Inside the Texas Chicken Ranch: The Definitive Account of the Best Little Whorehouse
Author: Jayme Lynn Blaschke
Publication Date: August 1, 2016
ISBN: 978.1.46713.563.4

Ghosts of the Chicken Ranch is still available:

Ghosts of the Chicken Ranch by Jayme Blaschke & Lisa Blaschke

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Chicken Ranch report no. 69: Zindler's Zany Zeal pt. 3

A few weeks ago, KTRK (ABC 13) out of Houston ran a couple of stories I helped them put together (here and here) about the infamous Chicken Ranch of La Grange, Texas, which served as the inspiration for the Broadway musical and subsequent film, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. In addition to the new segments, KTRK's producers dug up old broadcasts from 1993, the 20th anniversary of the closure. I was a young reporter in Temple at the time, so this is the first I've ever seen the broadcasts. I'm going to share them here and then offer my thoughts, two decades removed.

I just love the footage here of clients waiting to access the Chicken Ranch. These clips were filmed by cameraman Frank Ambrose, who was hiding (but not very well) in the back of an "undercover" van he and Larry Conners had driven to La Grange. Now here's where fiction and truth come together: Herb Hancock, who was an assistant AG under John Hill, approached Marvin Zindler on his own. John Hill had no idea he'd done so, and Hancock worked hard to keep it that way. Hancock, for his part, had been convinced by others that the Chicken Ranch was a nexus of organized crime and corruption in the state. Remember that the internet and Twitter and instantaneous social communication didn't exist back then. Heck, long distance telephone calls were generally avoided because of the extra cost involved, so there was no easy way to do quick, wide-ranging fact-checking or investigation of sources. The facts presented to him were either accepted or rejected depending on the perceived veracity of the source, and in this case Hancock had no reason to believe he was receiving biased information (which he was).

Aside from that, it's great to see Larry Conners get some screen time. He's the overlooked hero (or villain, depending on your point of view) in the great Chicken Ranch investigation. Conners did almost all of the actual investigative leg-work, while Zindler presented the material as only he could, in his distinctive, bombastic way. I love Conners' interview with Sheriff Flournoy. Flournoy answers pretty much every question in a mumbling, monotone growl. I imagine he'd have preferred to have been just about anywhere else at that point in time. And it's true that Colonel Wilson Speir, head of the DPS and Texas Rangers, called Flournoy and had the Chicken Ranch temporarily closed down during politically sensitive times, such as elections. That may be hard for people to believe, but Texas really was a different world from what we're used to today. Zindler teases an interview with madam Edna Milton in the next installment, but that's not available online--mainly because KTRK used a bunch of that footage earlier, in ABC13 Revisits the Chicken Ranch 43 Years Later.

Inside the Texas Chicken Ranch: The Definitive Account of the Best Little Whorehouse is now listed on both Amazon.com and BarnesAndNoble.com for pre-order.

Title: Inside the Texas Chicken Ranch: The Definitive Account of the Best Little Whorehouse
Author: Jayme Lynn Blaschke
Publication Date: August 1, 2016
ISBN: 978.1.46713.563.4

Ghosts of the Chicken Ranch is still available:

Ghosts of the Chicken Ranch by Jayme Blaschke & Lisa Blaschke

Now Playing: Postmodern Jukebox Historical Misappropriation
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Chicken Ranch report no. 68: Zindler's zany zeal pt. 2

A couple weeks ago, KTRK (ABC 13) out of Houston ran a couple of stories I helped them put together (here and here) about the infamous Chicken Ranch of La Grange, Texas, which served as the inspiration for the Broadway musical and subsequent film, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. In addition to the new segments, KTRK's producers dug up old broadcasts from 1993, the 20th anniversary of the closure. I was a young reporter in Temple at the time, so this is the first I've ever seen the broadcasts. I'm going to share them here and then offer my thoughts, two decades removed.

"Yes, we called it a bawdy house back then," is one of the more amusing lines in this piece. Everything Zindler or another reporter says "bawdy house" it sounds to me like they're saying "body house," which isn't far from the truth. They couldn't say "whorehouse" back then (and today it's iffy) but had nobody back in 1973 heard of the word "brothel" or even "bordello"? Seems to me those would be acceptable for the 10 p.m. newscast. Oh, here's John Hill again, pretending he was the guiding hand behind efforts to close the Chicken Ranch. I wish he'd have been honest about his role in the affair--these quotes of his are just embarrassing. At the 1:28 mark, we get another look at the Wagon Wheel. I'm quite surprised at how few (read: none) photographs of the Wagon Wheel I came across from the time it was open for business. Lots of history at that location--most of it unknown.

"After 20 years, Kitzman is still hostile, and wouldn't talk to me," Zindler says on the film. And you know what? That's not a Zindler exaggeration. I interviewed former district attorney Oliver Kitzman, and he did not radiate fondness for Zindler. Kitzman spoke of his interactions with Zindler and the two brothels with a kind of bemused resignation, not quite believing anyone could take Zindler's grandstanding seriously. Kitzman's comments to Zindler, including his dismissal of any organized crime involvement, closely match what he told me nearly 40 years later. It also matches information I received from other sources--including the next star witness, former assistant attorney general Herb Hancock. Hancock turned out to be the lynch pin of the entire Chicken Ranch affair, as he is the one who--without Hill's knowledge or approval--recruited Zindler to the case. To watch Hill kiss up to Zindler, praising his exposure of the Chicken Ranch, is downright cringe-worthy. Look, from all my research shows, Hill was a fundamentally honest man, but closing down the Chicken Ranch was never a priority for him as AG. For him to claim otherwise after the fact is just painful.

Inside the Texas Chicken Ranch: The Definitive Account of the Best Little Whorehouse is now listed on both Amazon.com and BarnesAndNoble.com for pre-order.

Title: Inside the Texas Chicken Ranch: The Definitive Account of the Best Little Whorehouse
Author: Jayme Lynn Blaschke
Publication Date: August 1, 2016
ISBN: 978.1.46713.563.4

Ghosts of the Chicken Ranch is still available:

Ghosts of the Chicken Ranch by Jayme Blaschke & Lisa Blaschke

Now Playing: Señor Coconut Around the World
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Chicken Ranch report no. 67: Zindler's zany zeal pt. 1

Last week, KTRK (ABC 13) out of Houston ran a couple of stories I helped them put together (here and here) about the infamous Chicken Ranch of La Grange, Texas, which served as the inspiration for the Broadway musical and subsequent film, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. In addition to the new segments, KTRK's producers dug up old broadcasts from 1993, the 20th anniversary of the closure. I was a young reporter in Temple at the time, so this is the first I've ever seen the broadcasts. I'm going to share them here and then offer my thoughts, two decades removed.

Well, Marvin Zindler certainly is his old bombastic self, isn't he? Zindler wastes no time in bringing up the old "organized crime" accusations, which, 43 years later, still remain unproven. Here's something interesting--at around the 1:40 mark, we see some rare (if poor-quality and low-contrast) footage of the oft-forgotten Wagon Wheel brothel outside of Sealy. In all honesty, until I saw this, I had never realized the individual "cabins" had been linked together in one long chain by connecting car ports. My earliest memory of the Wagon Wheel dates to maybe 1979, noticing it on a trip to Houston or somesuch, and by then the car ports were gone and the main lobby was mostly gutted.

Enter former Texas Attorney General John Hill. Wow, talk about revisionist history. Let me be clear here--Hill had nothing to do with the closing of the Chicken Ranch. I got that directly from sources within the office of Governor Dolph Briscoe and the attorney general's office as well. In fact, Hill was deliberately kept in the dark because these efforts to close the Chicken Ranch had not been approved by the AG. Note that Hill's comments are very general and vague, offering no details specific to the Chicken Ranch itself. To me, this comes across as Hill attempting to cover for himself, not letting on that he'd lost control of his own organized crime task force for the better part of 1973. I don't know about you, but were I the Texas Attorney General, that'd be a pretty embarrassing admission, even two decades later. For the record, I do think Zindler fully believed Hill was behind the so-called "anonymous tip" that started the whole affair (which wasn't all that anonymous to begin with, as we'll soon see).

Inside the Texas Chicken Ranch: The Definitive Account of the Best Little Whorehouse is now listed on both Amazon.com and BarnesAndNoble.com for pre-order.

Title: Inside the Texas Chicken Ranch: The Definitive Account of the Best Little Whorehouse
Author: Jayme Lynn Blaschke
Publication Date: August 1, 2016
ISBN: 978.1.46713.563.4

Ghosts of the Chicken Ranch is still available:

Ghosts of the Chicken Ranch by Jayme Blaschke & Lisa Blaschke

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Chicken Ranch report no. 66: Texas Roadtrippers part 2

"Texas Roadtrippers," the spring feature series from KTRK-TV reporters Pooja Lodhia and Steve Campion aired the much-anticipated Chicken Ranch installment of their La Grange adventure last night, during the 10 p.m. newscast. There's a nice shout-out for my book, Inside the Texas Chicken Ranch and some great archival footage. It was fun talking with them and bringing this little bit of Texas history to life. If you don't live in the Houston media area, or haven't had a chance to see it yet, they've kindly made the segment available online for viewing:

Inside the Texas Chicken Ranch: The Definitive Account of the Best Little Whorehouse is now listed on both Amazon.com and BarnesAndNoble.com for pre-order.

Title: Inside the Texas Chicken Ranch: The Definitive Account of the Best Little Whorehouse
Author: Jayme Lynn Blaschke
Publication Date: August 1, 2016
ISBN: 978.1.46713.563.4

Ghosts of the Chicken Ranch is still available:

Ghosts of the Chicken Ranch by Jayme Blaschke & Lisa Blaschke

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Chicken Ranch report no. 65: Texas Roadtrippers part 1

"Texas Roadtrippers," the spring feature series from KTRK-TV reporters Pooja Lodhia and Steve Campion aired the first installment of their La Grange adventure last night. I know a bunch of people watched, because about 150 people from the Houston area visited my website right after it aired. This segment only has a small teaser about the Chicken Ranch (and yours truly in my Lone Star shirt) but tonight's piece, set to air during the 10 p.m. newscast, is entirely devoted to the Chicken Ranch. It should be interesting--don't forget to set your DVRs!

Inside the Texas Chicken Ranch: The Definitive Account of the Best Little Whorehouse is now listed on both Amazon.com and BarnesAndNoble.com for pre-order.

Title: Inside the Texas Chicken Ranch: The Definitive Account of the Best Little Whorehouse
Author: Jayme Lynn Blaschke
Publication Date: August 1, 2016
ISBN: 978.1.46713.563.4

Ghosts of the Chicken Ranch is still available:

Ghosts of the Chicken Ranch by Jayme Blaschke & Lisa Blaschke

Now Playing: The Hooters Nervous Night
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