Lump of coal

Santa Claus paid an early visit to Casa de Blaschke last night to leave a lump of coal in my stocking. Despite my clear and repeated misgivings, the Jolly Old Elf left a kitten for the children. A kitten. An apple-brained Siamese at that. Our other cats (and I use the term "our" loosely, since they came with The Wife as a package deal) include a white Turkish Angora mix with the longest claws I've ever seen on a domestic cat and a paranoid disposition, a cranky 17-year-old Siamese mix who hocked up a hairball somewhere under the Christmas tree last night (I ain't going in to look for it) and another apple-brained Siamese that's been banished to the outdoors because of willful and repeated peeing under beds, clean laundry piles and my open suitcase prior to a week-long trip (which I didn't discover until I'd reached my destination. Let me tell you, that was a fun week away). Just to make sure I knew she hadn't forgotten me, that Siamese managed to slip into my car last week through a slightly open window and turn my car into a mobile outhouse.

As for the kitten, yeah, it's cute, but so's a baby wolverine. I've got three long gashes on my wrist from where it decided last night my hand was an impending peril to all creation, and must be destroyed.

I can only assume I've been very, very bad this year, and Santa decided to call me on it.

Now Playing: Dr. Demento Show December 9-10, 2000