Tuesday, July 05, 2005

A writer's glamorous 4th of July

Thinking about all the fun 4th of July excitement you could've had but didn't? Well, here's a sample of my leisure-time activities: Intending to change the air conditioning filter, I was caught up short by said filter's absence. The slot where the filter was supposed to be was empty. That can't be good, thought I. So I get out screwdrivers and pliers, and after a good deal of cursing, remove the big metal vent from beneath the central air unit. The vent space beneath the air conditioner is technically big enough for a person to work their way into, but there are pipes and such that make this a difficult, contortionistic proposition. Not to mention the fact that my fat belly doesn't help matters any.

So I manage to wedge my head and a shoulder in enough to aim a flashlight up to where the missing filter ought to be. And there's the filter, folded in to sucked up against the evaporator (it's a 20x20 cardboard and fiberglass panel. Just so you know). I rip the filter down (very dusty and dirty) and check out the evaporator. Friends and neighbors, I don't know how long that filter was folded up, failing to filter, but geeze Louise, that was one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen. Dust, dirt, cat hair, people hair and other stuff I shudder to even think about had combined with the condensation from the evaporator to create one of the most vile mats of rank matter I've ever had the misfortune of laying eyes upon. Twisting my body into all manner of unnatural shapes, I used the vacuum cleaner's various hose attachments to suck big strips of the gunk away. Some had dried on the evaporator, and resisted the vacuum cleaner's best efforts, so Calista--doing her best Indiana Jones impersonation--climbed in there with a scrub brush and stripped the worst of it loose.

Three hours and a variety of mashed fingers, grit-in-the-eye, bruises and strains later, the evaporator is as clean as it's been since it was first installed. And a new filter is in place, apparently working perfectly and catching all that nasty stuff before it can become a breeding ground for bacterial colonies and mold forests. There's a story in there, somewhere. It's just hard to see because of all the gunk in the way...

Now Playing: Marty Robbins Essential Marty Robbins

2 comments:

  1. At my house today, my wife went into our seldom-used third bathroom and stepped onto a soaking mat. Seems like the A/C drain is stopped up and leaking down the wall. I went into the attic (temp 1000 degrees) and checked it out. Think I cleared it. Maybe it's OK now. More a minor pain than a major one, but certainly an annoyance (and not good for the bathroom ceiling).

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  2. Did I mention the spider bites? A frellin' spider bit me as well. Twice! I can't believe I left that out. And I'm not growing any organic web shooters or nuthin'. Let me tell you, that's pretty miserable.

    But not as miserable as Bill Crider. A stopped up AC drain... in the attic... now that is the definition of suckage.

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