To umlaut, or not to umlaut

My last name gets mangled more than anything. People panic when they see it, and have this overwhelming compulsion to insert extra letters, vowels and even syllables in it. For example, I had a teacher one time that insisted on pronouncing it as if it were derived from the name of a 1950s housewife: "Blanch-key." Another popular variation sounds like a negative review of disposable razors: "Blah-shick." There have been others over the years, some quite creative, managing to use almost none of the letters actually present for their pronunciation.

Honestly, I don't get it. Yes, there are quite a few letters present, and it's not a common name that people are going to be very familiar with, so I can see how it would give a person pause on first viewing. But there aren't any silent Zs present as in Czech names, or random sounds made by unexpected letters as in other Eastern European or Slavic names. It's B-L-A-S-C-H-K-E. The name is Germanic in origin, and my immediate ancestors immigrated from Austria in 1860-61. That corner of Europe was one of those constantly in flux, however, and Blaschkes would readily be found in Germany, Austria, Czechoslovakia (particularly the Sudetenland) and even Poland.

Blaschke is pronounced almost exactly as it's spelled, with one minor exception. Under English pronounciation rules, the "a" should be a short vowel sound, as in "apple." This is incorrect. Being Germanic in origin, the "a" is pronounced like the "o" in "bother." So the pronounciation is closer to "Blaw-sh-key" than "Blay-sky" or "Blass-key" or other interpretations. The "schke" is pronounced "sh-key," only as one syllable and the "c" giving the "sh" a harder, coarser beat. Forgive my mangled phoenetic spellings, but they get the idea across.

I've been thinking about this lately with my book inching closer to publication. It's a simple, silly issue, but to a degree everyone wants their name pronounced correctly, no? Simple vanity or pride if nothing else. Sure, it's a good screener for telemarketers, but then again so's the phone ringing. Assuming people can get the second half of the name right most of the time, it's that initial "a" that is the stumbling block. It's not a normal English pronunciation, and therefore things spiral out of control from that point on.

So I'm thinking of adding an umlaut.

Yeah, I know. That will most likely confuse people even more. I can't argue with that. But adding a pronunciation guide to the name will at least make me feel like I've made an effort to clarify matters. And I suspect that someone seeing a umlaut-a will instinctively go for a more gutteral Germanic pronunciation. Umlauts being so stereotypically German, after all. More importantly, I think it'd look cool. Pompous, yes. Pretentious, yes. But cool nonetheless. Let's take a look, shall we?

Blaschke

Bläschke

Bläschke

Bläschke

Bläschke

Jayme Lynn Bläschke

Yes indeed, there's no doubt about it. The umlautted name is significantly better-looking than the umlaut-less name. And I hereby decree that I shall immediately and forthwith convert all instances of my last name to this new and improved version... just as soon as my wife quits laughing herself silly over the notion.

Join us next time, kids, when I discuss the hilarity my first name, Jayme, prompts when people assume I'm either A) female or B) Hispanic, not to mention my middle name, Lynn, which has a variety of unfortunate porn star connotations.

Now Playing: Berlin Philharmonic The Ring Without Words: Highlights from Wagner's Ring Cycle