I first got started on the whole Halloween costume contest bit years ago, when I still lived in Temple. I went out dressed in my Robin Hood outfit, and quite by accident, won a couple hundred dollars without really trying. It's been all downhill from there.
The very next year, I got beat out by "Sexy Southern Belle," a slinky blonde in a white g-string, push-up bra and garters sporting a lacy white parasol. This was also my first run-in with an all-or-nothing contest. First place was the only prize.
There have been more mostly-naked women winning money at costume contests over the years.
Two years ago was particularly galling. I went to a club, and right away spotted the competition. A blonde in a cloak. She really was naked underneath. She'd come "dressed" as Eve, of Biblical fame. She had an apple. And a lifelike rubber snake. And had gotten an array of actual leaves and super-glued them to her bare skin in strategic places. I know this because as the night wore on, we ended up chatting a bit about our respective costumes. She obviously was not and exhibitionist, and was not comfortable at all in flaunting her bare flesh. If I recall correctly, I got the impression she used super glue--even though she knew she'd ultimately regret it--because she couldn't afford to buy any spirit gum. She really, really needed money, and this was a desperate gamble on her part. Even though it was one of those all-or-nothing contests, I started to feel like it wouldn't be so bad if I lost to her. Yeah, she was playing the sex card for the audience, but at least she'd put in some thought and effort, and wasn't just playing the strumpet. So I go onto the dance floor when the MC calls, and get a huge reaction. Other contestants get less reaction. So far so good. Eve prances out, striving for allure and confidence, but not quite managing it. Still, she's cute and more naked than any other woman in the club, so the crowd's response tells me I'm probably SOL. Until... four overweight women in form-fitting black leotards with white face paint and aluminum foil wrapped around their shoulders come running out onto the stage. I'm thinking "Post-apocalyptic mimes?" Seriously, they looked awful. But the MC gets all excited and starts shouting into the mic--"Let's give it up for the KISS reunion tour!" and the DJ begins playing "Rock & Roll All Night." It's pandemonium, and the MC awards them first prize right there. These were horrible costumes. They'd never have gotten a second glance if the club hadn't essentially endorsed them with the music and cheerleading. I was not happy about it, but Eve, well, she erupted in a string of obscenities, burst into tears and ran out of the club. Can't say I blame her.
That wasn't my low point, however. The low point happened last year at "Club Hollywood" in San Marcos. The "manager" made the preliminary selections after the first round of the competion. Despite getting the second-largest ovation from the crowd--a particularly volumptuous woman dressed as a vampire wearing dental floss was the most popular--I was feeling pretty good, since there were cash prizes for the first three places. But I was eliminated by the manager, not even making the finals. So was the dental floss vampire, much to her surprise. So were several other excellent costumes. Who made the finals? Two no-names wearing store-bought "Scream" masks and street clothes, and on guy dressed as the Antonio Banderas "El Mariachi" character from Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Mind boggling? Yeah, until you see the manager, who was particularly--how should I put this?--fey fawning over El Mariachi all night, giving him free drinks and watching him with longing in his heart. Yeah. Against that, I had no chance.
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