Bestsellers guaranteed!

Since my Aggies were humbled and humiliated by the Utah Utes last night and looked more lost and confused than Billy Graham at Dragon*Con, I won't talk about that debacle here. Let us never speak of it again.

Instead, I'll point out this marvellous piece of writing advice, How to write a best selling fantasy novel. I mean, there is unequivocal brilliance at work here. One glance shows me what I've been doing wrong all these years. I feel so foolish. A wasted life. Here's a small sampling of the piece's sage wisdom:

Bad Expendables.
It will be necessary to create Bad Expendables. These are the orcs, goblins, trolls, dragons, wights or any other creatures that we are happy to kill in their thousands. They are usually black, hairy, sweaty or in some other way unacceptable by middle class Caucasian standards. Often they are deformed, based on the traditional belief that an ugly body reflects an ugly soul. It is our way of doing a service to the sick and disabled by reminding readers that people who are disfigured look that way because they’re evil.

Note that in Fantasy Lands the concept of reform or rehabilitation is unknown. All allies, minions, vassals and instruments of the Enemy must be summarily killed even if they served their master primarily out of fear.

Kudos go out to the Texas ex-pat Bookslut for pointing me in this direction. It made my morning, and should make yours, too. If it doesn't, the terrorists win.

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